Trust
by Smenzer
Summary: Lucius Malfoy's thoughts on his way to Azkaban. May be AU as in this story he's really a secret agent for the Order of the Phoenix.


Title: Trust

Author: Smenzer

Email: PG

Pairing: None

Archive: Yes, please archive. If you want to add this story to a website, please let me know.

Teaser: Lucius Malfoy's thoughts on the way to Azkaban. May be slightly AU at this contains a twist: he's a double agent.

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They belong to Warner Bros, Scholastic, Bloomsbury, Heyday/1498 films, JK Rowling and Raincoat books. This is just for fun. No money is being made.

Author's Note: This is from Lucius Malfoy's point-of-view.

Trust.

That's what it all amounted to. I had gone against my instincts, had allowed my family name to be dragged through the mud and now I was on the way to Azkaban because I had trusted the old fool, Dummbledore. What had come over me? This was sheer insanity! I was actually on the way to prison, to Azkaban! And for what, to save a boy I hardly even knew and who no doubt didn't care for my family one bit. Or me.

I could have escaped from the Department of Mysteries easily, no matter what others may think. Yet I had to make certain that my fellow Death Eaters were captured and arrested. They deserved to be locked up like animals and tormented by the Dementors, for they are true followers of the newly risen Dark Lord. I glance down at the magical shackles on my wrists and laugh silently. How insane it all is! I'm a member of the Order of the Phoenix and here I'm on the way to prison!

I knew I could have gotten out of it. I could have revealed my true allegiance to Dummbledore and been spared the shame, pain and upcoming torment. But then my usefulness as a spy would have ended. My family would be targets of the Dark Lord and I dread the thought. No matter what others may think, I deeply care for my son.

Draco, my only heir and the light of my life, how has this affected you? Do you really believe I'm loyal to Voldemort or do you suspect the truth? But how could you know the truth when I've played this masquerade since you were just a baby? Sometimes I play the part too well and even I start to believe the stuff I spout about Purebloods being better. Well, we are, are we not? But what of your future, with most of the Pureblood families reduced to numbers I can actually count on my fingers, whom will you marry? It seems that most of the Purebloods of your age are males and I will not sink to having you marry a Weasley, Pureblood or not. It would be far better to marry a Muggle-born, I think.

Merlin, what am I thinking?

Has the old man affected my thinking so much? How shocked you would be if you could hear these scandalous thoughts!

Yes, you would be shocked and probably outraged. I fear you have grown up hating Muggle-borns. You have taken my words to heart and truly believe them, for why should you not? I have spouted them over and over, as my apparent loyalty to the Dark Lord mustn't be questioned. If he ever suspected the truth…

I shudder.

My life would be over instantly. I have no doubt of that. I would be dead before my body hit the ground, a victim of Avada Kedavra. My precious family would be murdered as well. The Malfoys would be wiped from the face of the Earth and we would exist no more.

Why then do I play this dangerous form of roulette? Why do I put your lives in danger, you who I care about so much?

How can I not? No matter how much I'd like to ignore it, I can't allow an insane dark wizard to do as he wishes. When I was young his words swayed me to his side, for what young man isn't a bit of a rebel at heart? The idea of ridding the wizarding world of these half-breed mongrels appealed to me. It was exciting. I belonged to a group and the power we held thrilled me. We literally held lives in our hands as well as death. It was all for a good cause or so we believed. People feared us and that fear gave us power. The feeling was heady. Then that fateful day came along and a one-year-old boy defeated you. My name was cleared and I settled down to have a normal life.

In those years I've changed. I've become a husband, father and a well-respected governor. All the wealth I could ever want is at my fingertips. In fact, I have so much that I often donate lots of it to charities in need in an effort to make up for the crimes of my youth. I no longer have a need to run around hidden by a mask and hooded robe. I have grown up; the Dark Lord has not. And thanks to the stupidity of my wild youth I'm still paying the price. I'll never be truly free until Voldemort is dead, for the Dark Mark is upon my arm. It serves as my guilty conscious; a constant reminder of the innocent Muggles I killed during my feral youth.

The Dark Lord is no longer as he used to be. Before he was set on eliminating the Mudbloods. Now his only goal seems to be killing Harry Potter. His dark heart is set on revenge and it clouds everything else. He cares nothing for the plight of the Purebloods anymore…

Potter.

The Boy Who Lived and started it all, although he was little more than an infant at the time. Potter: have you noticed that I saved your life in the Department of Mysteries, that I blocked the spell Bellareix Lestrange had shot at you? Surely if the spell had hit you and you'd been Stupefied, you'd not be alive now. Luckily you were holding the bottle containing the prophecy at the time so I had an excuse. That's all that stands between my and death now, a feeble excuse. I pray the Dark Lord will believe it or my life will be over. But I couldn't let Dummbledore's precious boy die.

Yet I admire Potter. I secretly laugh as I imagine how shocked Draco would be if he knew. Yes, I admire Potter. He's brave, resourceful and doesn't mind breaking the rules when he has to. True, the boy has made some mistakes but then so have I. So far my mistakes have been far worse than his. And he definitely has a bit of Slytherin in him. Yet I see the anger that lies in wait under those intense green eyes and I worry. It would be too easy I think for him to give in to his hatred and fall to the Dark Side. No matter what the boy may think; I do not hate Muggles or Muggle-borns; not the way he hates Voldemort. With every life that Voldemort steals from him the boy will grow to hate him more. It's a good thing he's a Gryffindor with close friends to guide him and keep him on the proper path. I'd hate to think we'd switch one Dark Lord for another…

Very few adult wizards have the guts to oppose me for fear that I'd curse them yet you risked my wrath just to free a lowly House Elf. Truthfully, you did me a favor, not that I could tell you of course. That House Elf had been nothing but constant problems. Your heart is in the right place and I hope you don't give in to vengeance. It isn't worth the price you'll end up paying.

I'm looking forward to the day when I can stop this masquerade and tell you the truth; that I've watched over you all this time even though I appear to be your enemy. And I hope someday that you and Draco can be friends. Life is too short for it to be spent hating someone.

I sense that we're nearing Azkaban and I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Will the Dark Lord rescue us from prison before the Dementors drive us mad? Will my deception hold up or will I be found out? Surely my treachery of sneaking the Riddle diary into the school proved my loyalty? I still can't believe the old fool allowed that, yet his fate in Potter was so strong that he knew no serious harm would come from it. And the school is finally free of the basilisk.

Am I doing the right thing? Am I strong enough to stand Azkaban for however long it will take? I must be for I have no choice. Only one close to the Dark Lord can help defeat him in the end. And for that I will do whatever it takes. If it costs me my life, so be it.

I erase all doubts from my mind as the gates open and I'm led in.

I must have faith that the right side will be victorious in the end.

We will win and all that I have gone through will be worth it in the end.

The End


End file.
